How to Enjoy Flying

I thought I'd take a quick break from packing my suitcase to pass on some very simple, clear information to those of you who suffer from a fear of flying.

When I work with my clients on this fear, I always ask them when the fear begins. Usually, it begins when they plan the trip. Literally, it can be when they're online, shopping for flights, choosing the dates, etc. The fear then intensifies as each days passes and the day of the flight gets closer.



My approach to curing fears and phobias comes from a unique concept - teaching people how to think like those of us who actually enjoy flying. We think about the trip in a way that produces absolutely no anxiety or uncomfortable feelings, and that's because of what we think and how we think about it.

So here's how I do it, as I've come to discover through a bit of introspection:

• When I buy the tickets, I'm thinking about who I'm going to see. The confirmation I receive in the email is then sent off to the family members or friends who I'll be visiting, so they'll know when I'm arriving at the airport. The thought of seeing these people puts a smile on my face. [otherwise, I wouldn't be buying the ticket!]
• When I think about the trip, my thoughts are focused on what I'll be doing while I'm there. The airport experience and flight barely enter into my mind.
• When I pack for the trip (like tonight), I'm again thinking only about what I'll be doing while I'm there. This allows me to choose the right clothes for the trip! One other thought that crosses my mind is to travel light... because although I'm not afraid of flying, I have no love for waiting at the baggage claim.
• On the day of the trip, it's all about giving myself enough time to arrive at the airport with plenty of time to spare. This prevents any unnecessary stress due to worrying about missing the flight or getting bumped (especially this time of year).
• When I arrive at the airport, I think of it as though my vacation has already begun. Now, everyone else has to do all the work. I get to turn on the ipod, listen to my favorite music, read a book, and just turn off my brain. Occasionally, I'll glance at the time and keep an eye on the gate so I'll know when it's time to board. During this time, there is absolutely no thought about being on the plane, the actual flight experience or the possibility of a crash or terrorist attack (this is a big one since 9/11). I've trained myself so these thoughts just don't enter into my mind.
• When it's time to board, I'm usually still absorbed in music and a book. My attention is on what I'm reading... that's it. This helps with blocking out the screaming kids and impatient or sttressed-out travelers, too. I meander my way through the aisle to my seat, toss my bags in the overhead and plop down in the seat. At this point, although I continue to read, I keep the headphones off in case someone sits next to me or wants my attention. This is all as dull as can be... just the way I like it.
• When the plane begins to taxi, I might close my eyes and do some self-hypnosis... just relax my whole body as deeply as possible. During takeoff, I usually do have a passing awareness of the small possibility that there could be an accident. I don't think about this visually... it's just an awareness that allows me to mentally prepare. I might think about how great life has been... the good times I've had... and I resolve myself that if today's my day, then I've had a pretty good ride.

I actually enjoy this last part - an emotional acceptance of my lack of control of the situation. Once I've made the choice and the flight is in progress, there's no point in wondering what's going to happen or having regrets - it's out of my hands. If I were to die tomorrow, I would have no regrets. Rather than causing anxiety, this thought process actually calms me even more.



Acceptance of death as a natural part of the life cycle is very empowering.

Once the flight reaches cruising altitude, I either drift off to sleep, dig into the book, or just listen to music and allow my thoughts to wander. It's a time when I have no responsibilities, so I can relax and reflect.

Taking a trip is a good time to think about your life, where you're going and where you've been. Many times I've returned from a trip and made significant changes based on those reflections and new ideas that have come to me while thinking or reading.

The point of the story here is that there are far more interesting things to think about and do when taking a trip than focusing on the terrifying thoughts in which bad things happen.

This is something that anyone can learn to do... and it is my pleasure to teach people how to do it in my office, all while relaxing in a comfortable trance.

Happy Holidays.

Winona Ryder's Fear Sends Her to the Hospital

Call this "How Not to Cure a Phobia - Part III" (see the previous installments in the archives of this blog).

These examples seem to come along nearly every other day now... people putting themselves at high risk in order to combat a fear that could be dealt with much more safely and comfortably.



This time it's a celebrity - Winona Ryder - who decided to use powerful prescription drugs to combat her fear of flying. The result? She apparently overdosed on tranquilizers, forcing the pilot to request a priority landing so she could be rushed to the hospital.

Click here for the story from Reuters.

Thankfully, Ms. Ryder survived and is in good health. It's a shame that with all her wealth and popularity, she hasn't yet found the help she needs to address her fear appropriately.

Drugs (tranquilizers, in this case) treat symptoms, that's it. They do nothing to address the cause. Even if you never overdose on them, the best you can hope for is that you'll continue taking them for the rest of your life. It's dependency... slavery, if you will.

Fear begins in the subconscious. There are thoughts that cross Winona Ryder's mind when she takes a flight, or even thinks about flying, and these thoughts produce feelings of panic and anxiety. People who enjoy flying don't think about it the same way. If they did, they'd be as afraid as she is.

The way to eliminate a phobia is to change the thoughts that produce the feelings. Once the thoughts change, the response changes automatically. It doesn't matter how long the fear has been in place. It doesn't matter what the feared object may be.

The change can happen very quickly.



While it is understandable that to someone who hasn't studied or experienced hypnosis or NLP (neuro-linguistic programming), this may seem fanciful - too good to be true - the truth is that therapists have been curing phobias in this way for decades. Do a little Google research into the "10-minute phobia cure" created by Richard Bandler (photo, above), the co-founder of NLP.

I often tell my clients the story of how I cured my first phobia after reading a famous book co-authored by Richard Bandler and John Grinder - Frogs into Princes (pictured below). I quite literally had a couple months' worth of hypnotherapy training, added to the knowledge I gained reading Bandler & Grinder's books, when I made my first attempt. The result? I helped a 52-year-old woman lose her 33-year phobia of cats - in one session.



Now I'm no conspiracy theorist, but I instantly began to wonder why something so simple and safe would remain relatively unknown to the majority of the population. After all, even most psychiatrists these days still employ "exposure" therapy to cure fears and phobias.

Then I realized that many psychiatrists prescribe pharmaceuticals to patients for the phobias, and that large pharmaceutical companies like Merck and Pfizer make billions of dollars a year selling these drugs to people. While a hypnotherapist might make a few hundred bucks curing your fear, think about how much money can be made selling you prescription drugs for the rest of your life.

Treating phobias with drugs is profitable. It's big business.

So if you're skeptical as to whether something like hypnosis could actually work, and if so, why it remains so obscure (even though it's becoming more mainstream), consider how many billions of dollars in profits would be lost if everyone stopped taking tranquilizers and used hypnosis to eliminate their anxiety.

My hope is that Ms. Ryder, and anyone else suffering from intense fear or anxiety, will now seek help from someone who's well-trained in hypnosis and NLP, so this kind of thing doesn't happen again.

How Not to Cure a Phobia - Part 2

This one is much more common than my previous post about a man who's trying to cure his fear of being buried alive by sleeping inside a coffin. Many, many people who are afraid of flying use a combination of pills and alcohol to calm their anxiety.



Not only is that a very ineffective way to overcome a fear, it also happens to be dangerous. Take the following story as an extreme example... a worst-case scenario of what can happen when going about things the wrong way.

From the London Sunday Express (click the link below for the full story):


TERROR ON JET AS CHARITY WORKER DRANK TO CURE HIS FEAR OF FLYING

A CHARITY worker whose behaviour brought terror to a holiday flight had been drinking to cure his fear of flying.

Derek Kirkwood, 58, downed up to 12 miniature bottles of brandy and wine together with a pill. But far from soothing his nerves, the alcohol transformed him into a drunken yob during a four-hour flight from Gran Canaria to Manchester.

First, he threatened to kick an air stewardess “up the bottom” and then he picked on another passenger saying: “You’re a big man up here – let’s see if you are a big man on the ground.” Even when the cabin manager tried to intervene Kirkwood swore at him and said: “I’ll sort you out at the airport.”

At Manchester Crown Court, Kirkwood was handed a suspended four-month jail term. Judge Andrew Lowcock told him: “Your behaviour was loutish, rude and unpleasant. You made life a misery for your other passengers. I am told you are frightened of flying but your fear is no excuse for what you did.”

In court on Thursday shame-faced Kirkwood, of Askham-in-Furness, Cumbria, admitted being drunk on an aircraft and was ordered to complete 180 hours of unpaid work and to pay £700 in costs.

Click here for the full story
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How you think is how you feel, and if your automatic thoughts associated with flying are terrifying, you will experience terrifying feelings physically. Downing pills or alcohol may deaden some of those feelings, but the experience will still remain unpleasant.

Of course, even if you "get through" the flight without freaking out and threatening other passengers, you'll feel extraordinarily lousy afterwards... not to mention the fact that your fear will still be there the next time you need to take a flight.

Change your thoughts and change your feelings. Here's a brief testimonial from one of my clients who had a fear of flying for more than 25 years:

"I had a fear of flying. No, scratch that. Actually it was a phobia of flying. Just the thought of going to an airport made me sick to my stomach.

I was told I needed to travel to L.A. on a business trip and I needed to travel alone. I knew I wouldn't be able to go. A friend gave me Sean's information and told me to call him. I did.

I arrived at Sean's office and he told me he may be able to "cure" my disease in an hour. 'Yeah right,' I thought. That's impossible. I had been dealing with this paralyzing phobia for 25 years.

At the end of the session, one hour later, my mind was relaxed and at ease. My trip to L.A. was scheduled for the next day and not only was the fear gone, but excitement took its place. He told me that the more I flew the more fun I would have each trip. He was right.

I now fly all over the country on trips by myself... trips that I make for myself! I have fun and feel safe. Turbulence doesn't even bother me. It's amazing how liberated and strong I feel now as a result of my therapy session with Sean.

I recommend his services to everyone I know. It's the right choice. And best of all, it's an alternative to medication that's everlasting. Thank you, Sean! You've changed my life."

-Whitney
Atlanta, GA

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While not everyone will lose their fear after one hour of hypnosis, Whitney's results are fairly common. Usually, it requires three or fewer sessions, but often one will do the trick, if it's handled properly by an experienced hypnotherapist or NLP practicioner.

Exposure as Cure? Not so Fast...

I saw this brief story on phobias in the News-Times out of Connecticut, and felt compelled to respond. Pay special attention to the section in italics (my emphasis).

Think you have a phobia?
Newstimes
Article Last Updated: 11/08/2008 09:52:41 PM EST

Here are some tips on what to do if you think you have a phobia:

Make sure you work out what exactly about a thing or situation is frightening. For example, if you are afraid of getting blood drawn, do you have a blood phobia or a needle phobia?

Often, anxious thoughts people have due to a phobia are unrealistic, or very unlikely. Examine your thoughts, and decide whether the worries are unrealistic.

Facing fears in a gradual and consistent manner is the most effective way to overcome fears and phobias. The process involves GRADUALLY and REPEATEDLY exposing yourself to the feared object or situation in a safe and controlled way. You learn to "ride out" the anxiety and distress until it passes.

Through repeated experiences of facing your fears, you begin to realize that the situation, while perhaps unpleasant, is not harmful. With more exposure, you'll feel more control over your phobia, which is the most important benefit of exposure. As anxiety gradually decreases, you'll no longer react with panic.

Source: www.anxietybc.com

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The reason I felt compelled to respond to this article is this: the idea that exposure is the most effective way to overcome fears & phobias is nothing more than a belief. The mere idea that a phobia can be conquered through logic and conscious understanding is itself highly questionable, given the fact that the phobic response is illogical and unconscious.

Most phobics understand the irrationality of their problem -- that's why they're trying to get rid of it. Of course, someone with a fear of flying understands that it's statistically safer than driving, but the thought of the airplane crashing or experiencing turbulence overrides that logic and causes physical feelings of panic or anxiety.

If the problem is with an unconscious, automatic thought-feeling response (i.e. the response is occurring independent of conscious, "logical" interference), it is highly questionable that conscious intervention will have an impact.

Why? By the time the conscious mind has its say, it's too late. The feelings have already taken hold, and the panic has already set it. At that point, you're fighting a losing battle, as your logical conscious thoughts ("I am safe") are in stark opposition with your physical experience (terror).

I know this because I've seen it with my own eyes. I've known people who've tried this exposure approach - unsuccessfully - and have thereby become frustrated and discouraged. Then, after an hour or two of hypnosis and NLP (neuro-linguistic programming), their phobia is gone.

Again, this is not to say that every single phobia is cured with an hour of hypnosis. The purpose of this blog is not to convince anyone that one method of therapy is always the best for everyone.

Rather, I'm here to challenge the assumptions of the psychological and psychiatric establishment, because these assumptions lead individuals with phobias to endure unnecessary suffering (mentally, physically, emotionally and financially).

I can only point to my direct experience as a hypnotherapist. I've worked with people who had paralyzing fears for 25-30 years, and "cured" them after an hour or two.

It works by changing the automatic thought associated with the phobic response. People who are afraid of flying experience the uncomfortable feelings because of how they're thinking about flying. Typically, they think about crashing or dying. It's also fairly common for parents to worry about what will happen to their children if something happens and they are unable to take care of them.

People who enjoy flying don't think about these things in the same way. We all know an accident is a possibility, but just as we know that car accidents are possible (and far more common), we just don't dwell on the thought or give it as much time or energy.

Phobics have trained themselves to think the same terrifying thoughts each and every time they think about or encounter the feared situation. Helping them to re-train their unconscious thought response (typically through hypnosis) causes the terrifying thoughts to be replaced by more comfortable thoughts.

Think about that before you decide what to believe about your phobia. Even when you go to experienced, well-intentioned professionals like those at AnxietyBC, you're bound to find information that is questionable and presumptive.



Here is an excerpt from their resources about specific phobias and how to treat a phobia of dogs:

...if Karen wanted to be able to remain in a room with a dog without panicking, she may take the following steps:
Step 1: Draw a dog on a piece of paper.
Step 2: Read about dogs.
Step 3: Look at photos of dogs.
Step 4: Look at videos of dogs.
Step 5: Look at dogs through a closed window.
Step 6: Then through a partly-opened window, then open it more and more.
Step 7: Look at them from a doorway.
Step 8: Move further out from the doorway; then further etc.
Step 9: Have a helper bring a dog into a nearby room (on a leash).
Step 10: Have the helper bring the dog into the same room, still on a leash.

If you view this previous blog entry about my client who had a 30+ year fear of cats, you'll find that the above steps are completely unnecessary. How much time do you think you could waste drawing pictures, looking at photos, videos, going to the pet store, etc., only to continually subject yourself to the same uncomfortable feelings?

With one session of hypnosis and NLP, this woman learned to think about cats in a new way... a way that didn't cause the same terrifying feelings to overcome her.

That's it!

What's more is that I didn't invent these techniques. They've been around for decades. I cured this woman's phobia after reading a book on NLP - Frogs into Princes, by John Grinder and Richard Bandler - that was originally published in June of 1979. I wasn't even a certified hypnotherapist at that point... I was still in training.

It's not that complicated. You don't have to consciously understand when the fear began, what caused it or why it continued in order to get rid of it and respond in a new way.

It works like this:

Think vivid thoughts about a terrifying experience = feel terrified.
Think vivid thoughts about a relaxing or comfortable experience = feel relaxed and comfortable.

Best of luck to you in your search for relief.

Be optimistic - the answer may be closer than you think.

Top 10 Strangest Phobias

I've come across some weird phobias in my years as a hypnotherapist. One that stands out is a woman who was afraid of frogs (also known as "ranidaphobia") to such an extent that she couldn't even bear to be in a room covered in frog wallpaper.

[note: I also have an aversion to such wallpaper, but it's never made me break out in a cold sweat]



I've cured a woman's 30-year phobia of cats, done a lot of work with fear of flying and claustrophobia, but this list really has some doozies. For those of you who are affected by a paralyzing phobia yourselves, perhaps this list will help you feel a bit less unusual.

My experience as a therapist has shown me that just about everyone has some weird quirks they hide from even their closest friends (but not from me), so keep that in mind as you seek help with your own.

Here are a few to get you started...

1. Zemmiphobia-Fear of the great mole rat.
2. Anablephobia-Fear of looking up.
3. Consecotaleophobia-Fear of chopsticks.
4. Geniophobia-Fear of chins.
5. Taphephobia Taphophobia-Fear of being buried alive or of cemeteries. (check out my previous blog entry for more on this one)

See the rest of the Top 10 by clicking right here.

Man Lives in Coffin to Cure Phobia (no kidding)

Granted, this source isn't the highest on the news media food chain, but I just couldn't resist commenting on this story.

There's an old school belief in the field of psychology that in order to conquer a fear, a person has to face it, understand it and then overcome it. Here we have the most extreme and ridiculous example of that philosophy.

Take a look... (the original story is available by clicking the headline above)



A 78-year-old man has built himself a live-in crypt in an attempt to cure himself of a phobia.

Brazilian tourist park operator Freud de Melo suffers from taphephobia - the fear of being buried alive - and has decided to live in a converted coffin in an attempt to ease the condition.

The crypt features a television, a water pitcher, an air vent and tubes which he uses to speak to those outside the contraption.

"I have awful, awful nightmares of trying to dig myself out from underground," said de Melo.

And now, he's still going to have those nightmares. However, from now on, he's going to wake up and find himself in a coffin.

That should be cheery.

Now, I don't know whether he's eventually going to get over this fear or not. However, I do know that there are easier ways of doing it.

You see, the likelihood is that Senior de Melo would never have to face that fear his entire life. By obsessing on it, and then by subscribing to the "face it, conquer it" belief system, he has actually created the situation he feared the most and made it a reality.

The problem isn't that he's afraid of being buried alive. EVERYONE is afraid of that! The problem is that he's obsessing on the thought of being buried alive. It's a thought-pattern, like any other. Some people can't stop thinking about an ex. Some can't stop thinking about cigarettes. The problem isn't the thing... it's the thought.



Everyone is afraid of dying in an airplane crash. That's a realistic, genuine fear. The problem is when a person thinks about it so much, or in such a way, that it becomes overwhelming, even paralyzing.

Understanding the fear (i.e. "flying is statistically safe than driving") does absolutely nothing to calm that fear. The troubling thoughts are coming automatically, directly from the subconscious.

The quickest way to change these thoughts (as yet) is through hypnosis. When your thoughts change, so do your feelings. That's why some of my clients will lose a fear of flying in less than an hour. The change doesn't "make sense" any more than the phobia did, but it works just as well, and it's permanent.

A skilled hypnotherapist could have this guy sleeping better - in a normal bed - in a very short amount of time. It's a shame he's all the way down there in Brazil...